Hey! So. I might be in a FUNK. And I want to talk about it with someone, but not anyone who I know, because I’m supposed to be this creative “expert” now but oh my GOSH in reality I am just exhausted.
I also want to be really careful with how I talk about things — I want to avoid being the person who says “It’s lonely at the top” because they think they’re at the top. But I’m in a place (not the top) where I have this tenuous grasp on a small slice of authority and leadership, and if I let anyone know I’m secretly drowning, even people I trust, word will get OUT and I’ll somehow go back to being the 20-something office worker who hated her boss and couldn’t get anyone to listen to her. And that is truly terrifying.
Three months ago, I left my day job to write full-time. But I can’t even really say that, because at the time I left my day job for something else that ended up falling through. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ But I didn’t tell a lot of people that the other thing fell through, because then LOL Sarah left a cushy, secure day job in a major judgment error and wow is she ungrateful and also a failure, etc. etc.
In addition to the professional writing & ghostwriting (which is actually going surprisingly well), I’ve started a new creative writing project and IT IS FAILING MISERABLY. Well, it’s not failing. I’m failing it. I’m usually a pantser when it comes to writing, and this time I decided to get organized and write a detailed outline.
IT DID NOT WORK OUT.
Well, to be fair, in some ways it did. I have a clear idea of the beginning, middle, and end of this endeavor. But I had thought — erringly — that outlining would make the writing easy. IT DID NOT.
This is only a problem because I put the cart in front of the horse and told a bunch of people that I’d be launching this new project in September 2017, which is now less than two months away.
So now I’m hustling to get this thing to be a.) not sucky, and b.) complete-ish in a crazy timeline, during which I have also started my own business and am attempting to maintain my (sorely neglected) podcast.
What gets me is that this is all self-inflicted, and I’m fully aware that it’s self-inflicted. It’s also tinged with bitterness, which I like even less.
Thanks for reading, if you read this. 🙂 If you’re a creative professional, HOW DO YOU LIVE without being burned out 99% of the time? Inquiring, slightly bitter minds want to know.
xo,
Sarah