I have this sick need (and it is a sickness, I think) to keep pushing myself and finding my own limits. The sickness comes in when I think I haven’t found them yet, when I haven’t fully broken & denied myself.
I was thinking a lot this weekend about a Bible verse that has served as my conscious & unconscious mantra throughout my entire life — to “deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me” (paraphrased).
I’ve always interpreted that as “deny yourself the time-wasting stuff that doesn’t matter, take up as many burdens as you can shoulder, and work diligently for the good of everyone around you.”
I’ve now begun to wonder if I’ve interpreted it correctly. But it’s one of those very, very deep-seated beliefs that I was taught as a child and has become a part of my very core. So un-learning it (if it even should be un-learned) is a really daunting task, and one I’m not sure how to do.
Advice?
“Deny yourself” as I’ve had drummed into me over the years means “SELF-SACRIFICE”…essential interpreted that being SELFISH is wrong and that we should think of others before ourselves. While in one sense this is a very “Christian” thing to do, in another sense, if taken to the extreme it can also be self-DESTRUCTIVE. That is, if we do only for others, then quite often we give up taking the time to nurture and use the gifts that we are given. So your comment got me to thinking that we need to reflect on what that part of the self is that we are denying. As an artist, the play time that is the genesis my creativity can seem wasteful–like “the time-wasting stuff that doesn’t matter” (we live in a culture of “BE PRODUCTIVE” as measured by material things.) We have to be careful how we label the things that nurture our gifts.
A connected thought: I think this is discussion also incorporates the idea that ‘one can’t love others if one does not love oneself’. Self love means treating ourselves with the same kindness and consideration as we would show to others. Working “for the good of everyone” includes you.
xo
Donna, thank you for these thoughts. You are right… I tend to deny and thereby destroy myself and my creativity. How do you get around this, and the guilt that comes with it?
Thank you for being so open and honest. I think we all struggle with this same feeling. If I am happy, does that mean I am doing something “wrong?”
When I learned that verse, I was taught that it wasn’t literal. That it meant that we should try to follow in Jesus’ footsteps and act as he would. It means be good to other people. It means you may have to make some hard (uncomfortable and unpopular decisions) in your life. But, it doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy. Because when you are happy and fulfilled, you can do much greater things in this world.
Just keep being amazing.
Julie, thank you so much for your always-needed and dearly-appreciated insight. <3
Sarah,
Thank you for your podcast. You encouraged me to write five hundred words almost everyday before work during the month of December. (The word “almost” is the freeing part.) My New Year’s goal is to simply keep going. Only I wish I had a direction, a new story or project, to guide this time versus random entries. Should I pick up where I left off with an old story or keep waiting for a fresh idea? That’s where I’m stuck.
I think in the three places where your verse is found in the Bible it is preceded by some kind of pronouncement of Jesus’ sufferings and death. In that context, denying oneself, taking up one’s cross, and following Jesus means get ready – if you want to be a his disciple – to be hated and maybe even hurt, or worse. Discipleship is free, but costly. Jesus said elsewhere, “If they persecuted me, they will persecute you.”
To me, Jesus’ call loses its radicalness when I make it about denying time-wasters, or pizza and diet coke, or burning the candle at both ends to make others happy, or pushing myself to achieve more, or putting up with my mother-in-law, etc. etc. Its really a call, no matter what else I may do in life, to prepare myself for the ridicule and rejection that Jesus said will inevitably come, in one form or another, with simply, authentically following him.
May God bless you this New Year with courage and wisdom in all things. And, thank you again for your podcast.
Paul
Paul, thank you so much for this wise, kind, and beautiful response. Connecting with listeners like you is my absolute favorite part of podcasting.
Have an amazing 2016 and please keep in touch. 🙂
Sarah