Every once in a while I have to remind myself that I’m allowed to enjoy things. (And maybe you do, too.) That while there may be such thing as a “guilty pleasure”, not all pleasure must induce guilt.
I think that a lot of us wind up internalizing the lesson — whether we’re taught it explicitly, or just pick it up it via societal context clues — that suffering is a virtue.
That the busier we are, the more stressed and overworked and put-upon and victimized we are, the “better” we are… somehow.
That we must somehow earn our joy with suffering — that we can’t enjoy our cake until we finish our leftover meatloaf, that we can’t go outside to play until all of our chores and homework are done.
In a way, I get it. Life comes with a whole bunch of unpleasant but necessary tasks, and saving the cake, video game, paycheck, etc. as a reward for doing them can be a powerful motivator.
But I think it’s possible — even easy — for things to slide out of focus, for us to mistake the “virtue” of finishing one’s meatloaf for the “virtue” of depriving oneself of the cake.
This isn’t helped by the notion that sacrifice — so closely related to and often conflated with suffering — is a highly acclaimed virtue in our society. (And, depending on who you talk to, that virtue is/should be its own reward… but I’m not going to touch that one here, not even with a figurative 10-foot pole.)
It’s also complicated by the moral lessons we grew up with, which range from “sharing is caring” to “Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall weep”. (I mean, those Beatitudes can be a little scary, depending on which side of the tracks you live on.)
The question I’m left asking today is: What — if anything — is the price of joy, and are we willing to pay it?
… I really didn’t mean for this to turn into a weird sermon (yet here we are).
I only noticed in myself a reluctance to enjoy playing a video game on this, an ordinary Monday evening, when I could/should be completing “just one more” of the never-ending, excruciating/annoying tasks on my eternal to-do list.
At what point, I found myself wondering, have I “earned” a bit of fun or joy? Do I need to suffer extra because I actually enjoy my daily work as a writer? And at what point did I begin to take pride in my suffering?
Hence the necessity of today’s reminder: Life is short, I’m in charge of my own work/life balance, and I’m allowed to enjoy things.
And so are you.
And while I’m not going to tell you to eat your dessert first or whatever, I’m certainly not going to judge you if you do.
Words & warmth,
Sarah